Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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