what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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