i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
