you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
