I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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