The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
