Kiss
Puke
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
