I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
