I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
