he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
