How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize