who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
