I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
