He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
