he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
