Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
