I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
