the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
