I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
