this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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