Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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