saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
