omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
