help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
