R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
