you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
