She announced her abortion via fbk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
