There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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