No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize