can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
