So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
