SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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