I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
