Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize