All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
