Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My balls are so social today.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
