Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
