His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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