So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
