do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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