wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
