the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
