i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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