He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you will always have a special place in my vag
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
