quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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