Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
