and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
