it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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