I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
