wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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