some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
