She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
