why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
