We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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