Im at strip club and am horny
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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