i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
