i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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