why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
