he puts the penis in happiness.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
