I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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