I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
