i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
