i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
