i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we still banned from the library?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
