Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
