so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
