I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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