Cold hands, warm shart.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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