It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Come share oat with me in your robe
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
