worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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