At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
that may or may not have been my penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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