I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize