You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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