Your face is a jimmy john
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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