Apparently you make a good broom.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
