the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
