Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
