i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize