Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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