Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
