if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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