She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Send help, water and tortillas.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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