I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't deserve a penis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My bed smells like the plague
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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