i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
