did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
