Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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