I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
