Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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