If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hello my rib-scented angel!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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