I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
