she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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