the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
